C is for Community

I thought I was going to have a post before I left for my Imbolc retreat, but I'm really glad I didn't.  You see, I was at a loss as what to write and I would have grabbed a "C" concept or two and just put something down.  I can put random things in this blog all I want in an effort to make myself write regularly.  However, I am finding that less than fulfilling.  So, in that spirit, here is what I really -want- to say, late thought it may be.

I love my community.  I can see that it has its divisions and where it could be better and all those things.  But this last weekend, I got to go to the ADF Central Region Imbolc retreat.  I might also add that I've been added to the planning group for next year's retreat.  Yes, we've already begun and quite well.  I've been to retreats.  I've had mountain top experiences.  But I find that these fade quickly and leave very little when they do. 

The initial rush has faded now.  Is there nothing left?  No, I am still filled, but with something new: I finally have a true sense of community.  It's something more than a circle of friends, something more like a family.  We have Druids, Wiccans, even a Christian or two.  This setup can actually work!

So this brings me to HOW it can work.  We should look at what we label and why we label.  Just because I consider myself a monist, doesn't mean that your hard polytheism is invalid.  It just doesn't work for me.  Worship, reverence, offerings... these are all intensely personal things to consider.  What you believe about them is really not my business, and if you decide to share your views with me, I am honored.  But if they differ from mine, it is no affront to me and my own beliefs.  You are not me and we may not even worship the same deities.  So how do my beliefs threaten your religious practice.  Wars have been fought over this and less.

But enough of the ranting.  Let's take these thoughts and turn them outward.  Let us strengthen and build our community, because it is a family.  A family of choice - there should be room at the table for all of us.

Candlemas, Cleansing and Craft Names

Thank goodness for Candlemas!  I went out to the grovestead tonight to participate in a little potluck and Candlemas goodness.  I love this group of people.  I cannot even begin to express how wonderful it is to have found people that are all so different in the expression of their paths but still manage to work so well together.  Good people, good wine, bardic circle... a good day and restorative to my soul.

Yesterday I attended a Candlemas of a different sort.  I participate in a medieval historical society (SCA) and yesterday was our Candlemas event.  I was asked to create an award for our arts exhibit and it was well received.   My darling was with me attending his first event and entered -and won!- the brewing competition.  Feasting by candlelight and lots of fun.

I have been taking some very serious courses at school these days.  One of them makes me feel like I'm working on not just my mind, but my soul.  I feel introspective but activated, cleansed and invigorated.

With all this introspection, I find myself wondering if keeping a my craft name is necessary or even wise.  What do I need to consider?  Do I even really *care* what my non-pagan family and friends think?  How will this impact me as a counseling professional later down the line?  So many questions....

Bread for Brigid

The goddess Brigid:  lots of fire here, the flame of creativity, the fire of the hearth, the roiling furnace of the forge. 

I baked bread for the first time this year.  Heck, the first time in this apartment.  It wasn't my best, but it wasn't anything fancy either.  But I set aside the first bit of it to be offered during the full moon ritual. It worked out well, as we didn't have any cakes.

Now I'm working on another project: calligraphy and illumination.  It's in a style I haven't tried before, but no worries, Brigid has kept me going so far and will continue to inspire.

So sorry for posting late, but I was off forging new and deeper connections in my local community.  Thanks to my crazy group of friends for an awesome full moon rite and way too much coffee and conversation after.  Here's to many more of these kind of nights.

Bad Days

This day started out quite well.  I wonder what happened.

I'll be honest, I'm not the best when it comes to crowds, but I manage okay.  I've gotten involved with the local Pagans and it honestly didn't take long to find a rhythm.  Today, however.... well, honestly I feel a bit broken.

I moved to this beautiful new town.  I'm back in school.  I'm getting active in the community and I consider my life to be richer than it has been in a long time.  So why did I balk at this? 

I'm not as upset now as I was 4 hours ago, but I'm still feeling a bit delicate.  So what do I do with a Bad Day like this?  What message is the Divine trying to send me?   I was really looking forward to meeting new people today, but when I got there, I caved.  Maybe this is a lesson, maybe not.

I'm going to take this Bad Day and offer it up to the Divine.  I have broken spots, and today hit on one of them. Please let me shake off this funk, bring me to the light and life I need.  Help me through this, but be gentle with me.

Anointed by the Ancestors?

Ancestors
 "Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.” ― Linda Hogan, Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World

The druidic tradition (among many others - just the one in my mind at the moment) makes a huge point of  honoring one's ancestors - those we know and remember, those we know of only in story (or those hidden in the lost annals of our geneology), and those who have paved the spiritual path we walk. I am the product of many generations of love and tears and sweat and sacrifice.  As are you. To those who are behind me... Thank you. 


I've recently been feeling the weight of the multitude from whom I descend.  I feel their hands on me.  A little squeeze of the shoulder, a poke or prod to go in a new direction.  This year is different.  This year has something impressive waiting for me.  Don't ask me how I know - maybe it got whispered in my ear. 

Anointing
So now I claim it, this anointing.  There is a purpose and a path and a plan.  This is no blind curve to ride with bated breath.  This is more than just a journey.  This is my legacy.  I will build it and invite others to build with me.  I will leave something behind - perhaps not a physical something, but I will have an impact.  I will leave my corner of the universe better than when I found it.  What more this anointing entails I do not know yet, but I claim the purification and answer the call. Let this year bear its fruit.

Alchemy, Anxiety and Acceptance

Alchemy
We can talk about the Philosopher's Stone, transmuting lead into gold and whatnot.  That's fine and dandy, but I'm much more interested in the idea of -refinement.-  Natural philosophy. Attaining purification while seeming to attend to other (unrelated) things. I'm aiming to purify myself.  Let's boil this for a while and skim off the dross.  Work our way to finer and finer things.  I'm getting rid of that which mo longer strengthens, supports, or excites me.  I'm taking that list of things I feel I -should- be doing, and by golly, I'm going to do them.  Not all of them, but I'm getting there.

Anxiety
Always an issue with me.  Perfectionism. A past that is highlighted by some amazingly hard blows.  Life is much more stable these days, so I find new things to agonize over.  Here is where I intend to let those things go. See above - that which does not serve me will be left behind.

Acceptance
And here is the heart of the matter.  I accept myself - where I am today and how I got here.  Does this mean stagnation?  Good grief, no! I'm making plans and moving forward. I'm almost 35, people, don't you think it's time I stopped living in the past?  Shouldn't I love myself a little more by now?  I realized a little while ago that I -do- love myself, and I've really come to appreciate what I've been through, and that I made it through all that crap at all!  I'm here.  I made it.  I'm still standing, strong and mostly unwounded.

New Year, New Experiences

Thank you for allowing me to reach the dawn of yet another year.  There were many days I wasn't sure I would make it.  So now I'm looking at the end of the first day of this year and wondering what more I can do for myself.  I am going back to school after taking the semester off to move.  I have gotten active in the local Pagan population, making friends and gaining perspective on where I want to take this spiritual path of mine.  So what else?

A blog, you say? 

I'm not sure I have anything worth talking about.  Let me correct that - I'm not sure anyone would take the time to READ that online.  Most everyone who's interested would hear these things from me in person.  But my gut tells me that if I don't put it online, I won't EVER have a consistent journaling practice.  Like it or lump it, there it is.  I'm owning it.

So what to write about? I suppose this must be the obligatory intro post.  Oh, alright, if you insist.

I'm a thirty something female in Texas working on a counseling degree.  I'm a Pagan.  My fiance and many close friends know this, as does my younger brother.  The rest of my family does not.  I'm not interested in telling them, either.  It has been many a year since I did any significant spiritual study, and I'm needing some new growth.  Journaling has always been something I really want to do, but just don't.  So I'm going to fix that with this lovely blog.  Wish me luck!