Bread for Brigid

The goddess Brigid:  lots of fire here, the flame of creativity, the fire of the hearth, the roiling furnace of the forge. 

I baked bread for the first time this year.  Heck, the first time in this apartment.  It wasn't my best, but it wasn't anything fancy either.  But I set aside the first bit of it to be offered during the full moon ritual. It worked out well, as we didn't have any cakes.

Now I'm working on another project: calligraphy and illumination.  It's in a style I haven't tried before, but no worries, Brigid has kept me going so far and will continue to inspire.

So sorry for posting late, but I was off forging new and deeper connections in my local community.  Thanks to my crazy group of friends for an awesome full moon rite and way too much coffee and conversation after.  Here's to many more of these kind of nights.

Bad Days

This day started out quite well.  I wonder what happened.

I'll be honest, I'm not the best when it comes to crowds, but I manage okay.  I've gotten involved with the local Pagans and it honestly didn't take long to find a rhythm.  Today, however.... well, honestly I feel a bit broken.

I moved to this beautiful new town.  I'm back in school.  I'm getting active in the community and I consider my life to be richer than it has been in a long time.  So why did I balk at this? 

I'm not as upset now as I was 4 hours ago, but I'm still feeling a bit delicate.  So what do I do with a Bad Day like this?  What message is the Divine trying to send me?   I was really looking forward to meeting new people today, but when I got there, I caved.  Maybe this is a lesson, maybe not.

I'm going to take this Bad Day and offer it up to the Divine.  I have broken spots, and today hit on one of them. Please let me shake off this funk, bring me to the light and life I need.  Help me through this, but be gentle with me.

Anointed by the Ancestors?

Ancestors
 "Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.” ― Linda Hogan, Dwellings: A Spiritual History of the Living World

The druidic tradition (among many others - just the one in my mind at the moment) makes a huge point of  honoring one's ancestors - those we know and remember, those we know of only in story (or those hidden in the lost annals of our geneology), and those who have paved the spiritual path we walk. I am the product of many generations of love and tears and sweat and sacrifice.  As are you. To those who are behind me... Thank you. 


I've recently been feeling the weight of the multitude from whom I descend.  I feel their hands on me.  A little squeeze of the shoulder, a poke or prod to go in a new direction.  This year is different.  This year has something impressive waiting for me.  Don't ask me how I know - maybe it got whispered in my ear. 

Anointing
So now I claim it, this anointing.  There is a purpose and a path and a plan.  This is no blind curve to ride with bated breath.  This is more than just a journey.  This is my legacy.  I will build it and invite others to build with me.  I will leave something behind - perhaps not a physical something, but I will have an impact.  I will leave my corner of the universe better than when I found it.  What more this anointing entails I do not know yet, but I claim the purification and answer the call. Let this year bear its fruit.

Alchemy, Anxiety and Acceptance

Alchemy
We can talk about the Philosopher's Stone, transmuting lead into gold and whatnot.  That's fine and dandy, but I'm much more interested in the idea of -refinement.-  Natural philosophy. Attaining purification while seeming to attend to other (unrelated) things. I'm aiming to purify myself.  Let's boil this for a while and skim off the dross.  Work our way to finer and finer things.  I'm getting rid of that which mo longer strengthens, supports, or excites me.  I'm taking that list of things I feel I -should- be doing, and by golly, I'm going to do them.  Not all of them, but I'm getting there.

Anxiety
Always an issue with me.  Perfectionism. A past that is highlighted by some amazingly hard blows.  Life is much more stable these days, so I find new things to agonize over.  Here is where I intend to let those things go. See above - that which does not serve me will be left behind.

Acceptance
And here is the heart of the matter.  I accept myself - where I am today and how I got here.  Does this mean stagnation?  Good grief, no! I'm making plans and moving forward. I'm almost 35, people, don't you think it's time I stopped living in the past?  Shouldn't I love myself a little more by now?  I realized a little while ago that I -do- love myself, and I've really come to appreciate what I've been through, and that I made it through all that crap at all!  I'm here.  I made it.  I'm still standing, strong and mostly unwounded.

New Year, New Experiences

Thank you for allowing me to reach the dawn of yet another year.  There were many days I wasn't sure I would make it.  So now I'm looking at the end of the first day of this year and wondering what more I can do for myself.  I am going back to school after taking the semester off to move.  I have gotten active in the local Pagan population, making friends and gaining perspective on where I want to take this spiritual path of mine.  So what else?

A blog, you say? 

I'm not sure I have anything worth talking about.  Let me correct that - I'm not sure anyone would take the time to READ that online.  Most everyone who's interested would hear these things from me in person.  But my gut tells me that if I don't put it online, I won't EVER have a consistent journaling practice.  Like it or lump it, there it is.  I'm owning it.

So what to write about? I suppose this must be the obligatory intro post.  Oh, alright, if you insist.

I'm a thirty something female in Texas working on a counseling degree.  I'm a Pagan.  My fiance and many close friends know this, as does my younger brother.  The rest of my family does not.  I'm not interested in telling them, either.  It has been many a year since I did any significant spiritual study, and I'm needing some new growth.  Journaling has always been something I really want to do, but just don't.  So I'm going to fix that with this lovely blog.  Wish me luck!